Monday I stopped off at one of my favorite thrift stores. We’d had a long day and an even longer weekend. My kids and I were all tired and grumpy but it was on our way home and I was hoping some fun finds would cheer me up.
The store was super crowded which meant I had to drag my complaining family a million miles across a million degree parking lot. Once inside I loaded Gracie into the cart and Simon chose to ride hanging onto the front because he was “too tired’ to walk.
As we worked our way back to the home goods section I received like 85 phone calls (ok so it was more like 3) which made driving the heavy cart through all the shoppers extra hard. (Someone please tell me—in situations like this why do I always answer the phone? Why? Am I trying to make my life harder?)
So there we are going through the store—me all big and pregnant, my kids complaining, I’m on the phone, and there are a million people. But no one is by the patterns and fabric. Hallelujah.
I pull the cart over. Simon starts tinkering with the random junk and I start going through the pattern bins. All of the sudden I feel something underneath my belly. I look down. It’s a full on woman in her 40’s that is going though the stuff on the shelf underneath me. She is crouched down and has her entire body squeezed in between my knees and the shelf!
Yea, not what I expected either.
“Excuse me?” I say as I step back trying to get her out of my extremely personal space.
She looks at me and hollers over at her daughter that “There must be good stuff over here”. Then in one foul swoop she stands up, scoops up the pattern bins, and dumps them into her cart. “Find out what’s in these,” she orders another girl who has shown up out of nowhere and is moving my cart (with my kids in it) into another area.
And there I stand stifling the urge to fill the aisle with upper cuts…or some wicked cool Mr. Meeogie moves (a reaction I wish I could blame on a hormonal pregnancy but which is unfortunately a common one) when Gracie yells “Knock it off!!”
Knock it off indeed. Teenage hillbilly is not only moving my cart but is now trying to take things out of it! I snatch up my kids, cart, and solitary pattern (out of her hands) and head over to the books. As we leave I hear the mom telling her girls how they shouldn’t have let me boss them around because the “merchandise” isn’t mine until I’ve payed for it and they have every right to look through other peoples carts.
Now (as if that wasn’t strange enough) we get to the book section just in time for some man to start asking me if I was aware that Walt Disney was a Nazi. Trying to be funny (and to get away as quickly as possible) I say then that explains the hyena’s musical number in Lion King. He stares at me. Then asks if I’m married because he’s noticed I’m not wearing a ring.
At that point I decided it was time to go home. Without a word we head up to the front to pay for our items (about 3 yards of some sweet green polyester fabric and one measly pattern—but a great one full of newborn clothes just begging to be made).
Upon arriving home I find the neighbor kids have dug holes in our flower beds, spilled snow cones on my porch, and have stolen the new bells off of Gracie’s bike. I take my children in and feed them dinner only to discover we are out of milk. Super. Fortunately, it’s time for bed.
It had been a long day but now I was going to sit down, in my quiet house with a cold drink, and cut out some fun old fashioned clothes for the baby. I pull out the pattern. I choose which outfit to make (the pink sun suit with matching bonnet) and begin to pull out the pieces. It is then that I realize the dang pattern is for DOLL clothes not baby clothes. And within seconds of this discovery our neighbor begins lighting off firecrackers which sets the other neighbors dogs off on a howling spree. It was a perfect ending to a perfect day.
So, what’s the moral to this really long and pointless story? Well, as I see it there are two lessons to be learned here:
#1. When you are buying thrift store items—especially patterns—look them over carefully before buying them so you know exactly what you are getting. Read what the pattern says, don’t just look at the illustrations on the front. (Unless of course a crazy woman is crawling around between your legs and her daughters are stealing your cart full of kids. In that case you should, in fact fill, that aisle with upper cuts then look over what you are buying before spending that 50 cents on a pattern you will never use.)
#2. At least we will always have polyester.