Lately, I have been feeling like I am failing as a mother. I know it’s normal and I know we have all been there, but the feelings have been so real and so overwhelming lately.
Let me share a couple of examples….
I have one child that is struggling with growing up, toss in some learning issues and childhood anxiety, and life isn’t so simple. And I don’t know how to help. We have talked to professionals, written up plans for the school—but starting school next week isn’t helping with my overwhelming sense of helplessness in how things are going. It’s hard.
And I have another three-year old that is crayyyyyzee busy. For example, when I was in the shower last week, he opened the freezer (bottom drawer) and left it open so our puppy climbed and started helping himself to a frozen potato casserole and tinfoil. All over the downstairs. All in the space of ten minutes—which then took over an hour to clean up cream sauce and potatoes from carpets and wood floors. It was all I could do to not loose my cool at that moment. It’s hard.
At times, motherhood is hard. It just is. I don’t even think it matters how many kids you have –I thought one was overwhelming.
But I learned a lesson last week. And maybe the lesson that I needed to learn will help just one of you out there too.
It was while I was sanding.
One afternoon I was out in the garage sanding a headboard I made for my youngest’s room. It was during resting time (in our house that is reading in rooms—or naps–and yes, I am strict about it. I think everyone needs their own space for an hour).
There I was, standing in the garage with the power sander trying to make the board on the top of the headboard as smooth as possible…and thinking about how hard things are right now with certain issues in this journey of motherhood.
And then suddenly a light bulb went off in my head. It’s meant to be hard. Yes, at times, motherhood is meant to be hard. It’s meant to do exactly what I was doing to that board—smooth out all those rough edges. And while there are times in my life when those edges are getting smoothed out nice and slowly with a piece of fine sanding paper….there are other times when it’s the power sander.
But the end result is the same and it’s the end result that I ultimately want as a mother.
To learn and to grow and get more of my faults and rough edges to be smooth.
So, while the situations are probably not changing anytime soon, I am now trying to look at those “hard mothering situations” as lessons…..lessons in sanding.