Over on Facebook I’ve talked a little about some struggles I’ve been going through with my health….and here let me use the word struggles loosely because I am certain what I have been dealing with is NOTHING compared to what others face…so while things have been difficult for me I really have nothing to complain about. Plus I am doing my best to get a handle on my health and if all goes well I will be good as new in no time!
Recently the doctor gave me the all clear to resume my “normal” physical activities. And so I decided to make my first return to running voyage with Simon (my 10 year old) over at his track practice….something I have done dozens and dozens of times.
While he meets with his team for practice I run laps around the track. Doing this I get exercise plus I get to watch what Simon is working on. It’s a perfect combination and I’ve done it for the past three years but this year…this year has been different. I hadn’t been able to run up until now. So I put on my running clothes that suddenly were horrifyingly snug and we headed out the door to track.
When I parked I told Simon to run over to his team and that I would see him over there in a minute. And then I sat in the car. And then I sat awhile longer. I was tired. I was a good ten pounds heavier than I was the last time I was out here. And I knew that an hour worth of running was going to wear me out. I felt overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and just plain sad.
But across the parking lot and through the bleachers I could see Simon with his team warming up and watching for me.
So I climbed out of the car and made my way to the track. As I walked I thought about that first year with Simon…me breezing around the track, Simon waving each time I passed…and that day he announced to his friends that his mom was “the one that was running”…and I knew today was not going to be like that day. Not at all.
But, still, there I was and so I stepped out onto the track and started my jog. It seemed like in my absence the track had been extended a mile or so and that it was up hill as well! I was breathing hard and realized that my slow jog was perhaps top speed for me that day. As I was finishing off my third lap I happened to pass Simon with his friends waiting in line for an event and as I passed, being careful not to wave since he is “too old” for that now, I heard Simon tell his friends, “Yeah, that’s my mom. She doesn’t look like it but she’s tough. No, REALLY guys, my mom is tough.”
“No, REALLY guys, my mom is tough.”
I didn’t feel tough. I felt chubby, hot, and tired. But my heart soared. I may not be the girl I was three years ago and my running shorts may not fit the way they did last year but I could be tough and maybe just maybe if I was tough enough I could be that girl again. However, for those next 40 some odd minutes I only had to be tough enough to just keep running.
It’s going to take some time…I’ve been out of commission for awhile now. But I’m back and I’m starting over….again.
I don’t enjoy starting over. I hate discovering that a task that was once so easy has become so very difficult. It’s discouraging and makes me mad. But I can either choose to forget it and write it off or I can tie up those shoes, put on my stretchy pants, and get moving. And for now I’m going to choose to get moving…if only for the sake of Simon, who still believes his mom is tough…
Wish me luck and give me strength. Tonight is another night at track.